just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
