You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
