Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
