Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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