i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
