There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Floor bacon is actually really good
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
