Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
