I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
