I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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