I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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