just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
