I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
