i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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