We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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