Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize