return my video game
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
