i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
