Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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