you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize