Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
