i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
