Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
