Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
