Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
