How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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