I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
