We got so high we made milksteak
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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