dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
