Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
