Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
