Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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