Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
