great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
