I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
