It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
