to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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