You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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