why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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