i think i have herpe
just one?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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