absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
