Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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