I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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