I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
