am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
