I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
