At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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