So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
