I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
