is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
