I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We need to get me chipped asap
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
