Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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