he puts the penis in happiness.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize