Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
