dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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