I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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