um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
