my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Barsexuality is the new black.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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