I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
