its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
