Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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