I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
