my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
