my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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