I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize